A Fourth Trimester Mama Can Rest
I was 23 when I had my first baby. My husband and I were still in our honeymoon year when we got pregnant. While our plan was to wait 2-3 years to begin a family, we were completely thrilled to know that we were going to welcome a son or daughter into our little family. That baby was a girl, born toward the end of 1986.
Four more children followed in the next 12 years. Three girls and one boy, not in that order.
By the time I was pregnant with our fourth in 1995, with our only son, we were changing up our life big time. We were moving ⅓ of the way across the country, and landing in St. Louis, MO so my husband could begin graduate school.
Baby sister also was born in St. Louis, a couple of years later. And now our family was complete.
My own postpartum support came in the person of my mother—and sometimes my dad—who always arranged her schedule to spend up to a week with me, my husband and any older children to give the help and care needed when our family was adjusting to having this new little person in our midst.
I am very grateful to my mother for her care in these ways; she knew that for my husband and me to handle this kind of situation on our own would have been more stressful, more tiring, more emotional (than a postpartum mom is already feeling.) She kept the house tidy, helped with laundry, prepared food, cared for any other siblings--she just was present to do whatever was needed.
While many mothers and female relatives have come and still do come to the aid of their adult children’s/relation’s families when a baby is born, that pattern has slowly dwindled over the last 30-40 years. Transiency, broken relationships, illness, lack of time, scheduling conflicts can all have an affect on a mother or another family member coming to the aid of a family with a newborn.
Studies have shown that “new parents who have support and feel secure and cared for during this time are more successful in adapting than those who don't…..that cultures in which women are cared for by others for a defined period of days or weeks and are expected only to nurture themselves and their babies during that time have superior outcomes in postpartum adjustment. We know that women who experience support from their family members, care providers, counselors and peer groups have greater breastfeeding success, greater self-confidence, less postpartum depression and a lower incidence of abuse than · · · those who do not.” (Doulas of North America, ‘The Postpartum Doula’s Role in Maternity Care’)
Having a baby is a bigger event than what we as Americans normally think, in our desire to ‘get back to normal.’ This is an enormous change, not only for mom, but for dad, other children, extended family and their community. A postpartum doula can offer consistent non judgmental care, that will help a family find their new groove with confidence and inner well being.
